Sleep Training 101: Choosing the Right Method for Your Baby
You’ve heard the rumors that sleep training can cause damage to your baby’s attachment or that it is bad to let your baby cry for any period of time. But you also know that your baby isn’t sleeping well, you’re sleep-deprived, and you aren’t the parent you want to be because you simply don’t have the mental capacity.
There is so much information on the internet and social media. Some of it is opinion-based, and some of it is science-based. I think it comes down to the same thing: we all want our babies to sleep well, and you want to get there in a way that is best for them!
I’m here to tell you that the sleep training of the 80s and 90s isn’t what sleep training is now. Sleep training can and should be done responsively, tailored to fit parenting styles, baby’s temperament, and with a solid sleep foundation in place. It doesn’t have to include leaving your baby to cry by themselves for any length of time if you don’t want it to.
I will be totally upfront, though—research does NOT support the idea that using crying (within reason and while being responsive to needs) as an intervention harms attachment. You can read all about that in this blog post and see the references to some of that research.
What Sleep Training Is
Sleep training is the process of helping your baby learn to fall asleep independently and stay asleep for longer stretches. It’s about gently guiding them to develop healthy sleep habits so they can settle themselves when they wake up during the night.
Why You Should Consider Sleep Training
Sleep is a Basic Need – Just like food and warmth, sleep is essential for a baby’s growth, brain development, and overall well-being. Teaching healthy sleep habits ensures they get the rest they need. (Bathory & Tomopoulos, 2017)
Physical Benefits – Quality sleep supports immune function, growth (thanks to all that deep sleep hormone release!), and better overall health for both baby and parents. (Mindell & Williamson, 2018)
Emotional Regulation – Well-rested babies are generally calmer and better able to handle everyday frustrations. Parents, too, find themselves more patient and less overwhelmed when they’re not running on empty. (Touchette et al., 2007)
Cognitive & Social Development – Sleep plays a huge role in a baby’s ability to process new experiences, regulate emotions, and engage with the world around them. A well-rested baby is more alert, curious, and ready to learn. (Sam et al., 2022)
Parental Well-Being – When babies sleep better, parents do too! More rest leads to improved mood, energy, and the ability to be fully present and responsive to their child’s needs. (Meltzer & Mindell, 2007)
Sleep training isn’t about forcing a baby to sleep—it’s about providing the structure and support they need to develop healthy sleep habits for life. They are still babies, not robots, and will need you at times. But having this foundation is something that will benefit them for the rest of their lives.
Factors That Help Sleep Whether or Not You Sleep Train
Ultimately, whether or not you choose to sleep train should be a neutral choice, like whether you breastfeed or bottle-feed. What really matters is that it works for your family and is safe for your baby.
Some key factors that support better sleep for all babies include:
An Appropriate Schedule: Ensuring your baby is on a schedule that aligns with their natural sleep needs is crucial. Too much or too little wake time can make sleep more difficult. If you need help figuring out how to create an optimal schedule - this is the resource for you!
Adequate Calorie Intake: A hungry baby won’t sleep well. Ensuring full feeds and minimizing unnecessary nighttime snacking helps with longer stretches of sleep.
Comfort & Well-Being: Discomfort from gas, reflux, tongue/lip ties, or body tension can interfere with sleep. Addressing these concerns can significantly improve rest quality.
How to Choose a Sleep Training Method
Choosing a sleep training method comes down to three main factors:
Your Baby’s Temperament – Some babies are highly sensitive and need a gentler, slower approach, while others adapt quickly to independent sleep with minimal intervention.
Your Parenting Style – Some parents prefer a hands-on, gradual approach, while others are comfortable with a bit more space for independent learning.
Realistic Expectations & Timeline – If you need to see results quickly (due to work schedules, exhaustion, etc.), you may opt for a faster method. If you have more time, a gradual approach may feel best.
The Baby Sleep Haven Methods
At The Baby Sleep Haven, we use four main methods of sleep training, tailored to you and your baby. The end goal of all of these methods is to have a baby who can fall asleep on their own 90-95% of the time, within about 5-15 minutes, with little or no crying.
Before sleep training, I always recommend evaluating your baby’s schedule, ensuring there is no pain/discomfort, making sure all needs are met, and having a plan that both partners (if applicable) are committed to, as it will take consistency and time to see changes.
We always remain responsive to our babies and provide more support if they need it—whether they are sick, teething, or just having a rough night. We never want babies to cry for the sake of crying and always ensure it is productive and that they are showing signs of learning.
1. Gradual Method
This is the slowest and most hands-on approach. You start by soothing your baby as much as they need to help them fall asleep. Over time, you gradually scale back the amount of intervention needed. For example, you may start by feeding your baby to sleep, then move to rocking, then gradually transition to placing them drowsy but awake in their crib. This method can take anywhere from 6 weeks to 6 months.
Is this method for me?
You prefer a no-cry (or very low-cry) approach.
You have a highly sensitive baby who needs extra reassurance.
You have the time and patience for slow, incremental changes.
You have a baby with medical concerns that requires a gentler approach.
2. Modified Gradual Method
This approach still allows you to soothe your baby but introduces short, structured wait times to help them learn independent sleep skills. You start by supporting them as needed, but gradually give them more space to self-soothe. This method can take a few weeks to a few months.
Is this method for me?
You want to move gradually away from assisting sleep but are okay with some space for independent learning.
You have an older baby (18+ months) or one who was co-sleeping.
You have a slightly longer timeline to see progress.
3. Modified Method
This is a middle-ground approach. You set short timers (typically 3-10 minutes) to allow your baby some time to settle before intervening. You check in between intervals to offer reassurance, either through voice, touch, or brief comfort. This method typically takes 1-2 weeks.
Is this method for me?
You want a structured approach with check-ins.
You are okay with some crying but want to be actively involved in reassurance.
Your baby is between 4-18 months old.
You need to see progress within a week or two.
4. Accelerated Method
This is the most direct approach, where you set one longer timer (typically 60 minutes) to give your baby time and space to settle. Parents can check in as needed, but the goal is to allow for independent learning as quickly as possible. This method typically takes about a week.
Is this method for me?
You are okay with some crying but want to cap it at a specific limit.
You need to see results quickly (e.g., returning to work, extreme sleep deprivation).
Your baby is highly alert or struggles to settle even with hands-on help.
Personalized Sleep Support
There’s a lot to figure out when it comes to sleep, and every baby is different. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or unsure which method is best for your little one, I’m here to help! My personalized sleep support services provide:
A customized sleep plan tailored to your baby’s unique needs.
One-on-one guidance to troubleshoot and adjust as needed.
Support and encouragement throughout the process so you don’t have to do it alone.
You don’t have to navigate this journey by yourself—let’s work together to help your baby (and you!) get the rest you need. Motherhood can be what you dreamed about.
Sources
Bathory, E., & Tomopoulos, S. (2017). Sleep regulation, circadian rhythm, and sleep training in infancy. Current Opinion in Pediatrics, 29(4), 500-506. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cppeds.2016.12.001
Meltzer, L. J., & Mindell, J. A. (2007). Relationship between child sleep disturbances and maternal sleep, mood, and parenting stress: A pilot study. Journal of Family Psychology, 21(1), 67-73. https://doi.org/10.1037/0893-3200.21.1.67
Mindell, J. A., & Williamson, A. A. (2018). Benefits of a bedtime routine in young children: Sleep, development, and beyond. Sleep Medicine Reviews, 40, 93-108. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.smrv.2017.10.007
Sam, G., Naif, M., Zinaf, S., Hamoud, M., & Inad, N. (2022). Socioemotional behaviour of toddlers influenced by sleep patterns: Prevalence study. Journal of Family Medicine and Primary Care, 11(3), 941-947. https://journals.lww.com/jfmpc/fulltext/2022/03000/socioemotional_behaviour_of_toddlers_influenced_by.20.aspx
Touchette, E., Petit, D., Seguin, J. R., Bolvin, M., Tremblay, R. E., & Montplaisir, J. Y. (2007). Associations between sleep duration patterns and behavioral/cognitive functioning at school entry. Sleep, 30(9), 1213-1219. https://doi.org/10.1093/sleep/30.9.1213
