The Truth about Attachment and Sleep Training
As a parent, your ultimate goal is to do what's best for your baby. But when you are sleep-deprived and struggling to get more than a couple of hours of sleep at a time, parenting can feel overwhelming. You might have heard about sleep training as a potential solution to help your baby sleep better. At the same time, you may have also conflicting opinions about its impact on attachment.
With so much contradictory information surrounding baby sleep, it can be hard to know what to believe. In this blog post, I will present research and insights that support the idea that you can sleep train your baby while maintaining a secure attachment. I’ll clarify what attachment is, define sleep training, discuss the importance of good sleep, present relevant research, and provide an overview of sleep training options.
At the end of the day, my goal is to provide you with research-backed information to help make an informed choice about sleep training—one that is free from fear or shame. Ultimately, the decision to sleep train is entirely personal.
What is Attachment?
Attachment refers to the emotional bond between you and your baby, developed over time as you respond to their physical needs (like hunger or discomfort) and emotional needs for attention and comfort. When you respond promptly and warmly, your baby learns to trust that you will be there for them, fostering a sense of security.
An important takeaway is that babies can develop a secure attachment and all its associated benefits when you respond warmly and promptly most of the time (Benoit). While perfection isn’t realistic, your baby will still feel your presence and support. Research suggests that as long as you show up, get it right most of the time, and are generally loving and responsive, they will develop a secure attachment.
What is Sleep Training?
Sleep training is the process of teaching your baby to fall asleep independently, without relying on sleep associations (like being rocked or fed to sleep).
The actual process of sleep training can vary significantly from family to family. Some methods are more gradual, involving a hands-on approach where you slowly decrease the amount of support your baby receives to fall asleep. Other methods may be more accelerated, allowing for some crying as your baby practices and learns to self-soothe.
It’s crucial to ensure that any root causes of sleep issues have been addressed and that your baby is on an age-appropriate schedule tailored to their unique sleep needs. Combining a suitable schedule, resolving underlying issues (such as discomfort or sensory needs), and helping your baby learn to fall asleep on their own can lead to consistent naps and improved nighttime sleep.
You Need Sleep
Sleep is essential for everyone—both babies and parents. Infants need ample sleep to support their rapid development during the first few years of life. Better sleep correlates with numerous physical, cognitive, social, and emotional benefits—all of which are important for your baby’s growth. Additionally, when babies are well-rested, parents tend to feel more rested, enabling them to thrive and be more present, responsive caregivers, which is key for building secure attachments.
Physical and Cognitive Development
A study by Tham et al. examined the relationship between total sleep and the physical and cognitive development of healthy, term-born infants. The review found that:
Sleep is linked to the regulation of growth hormones in infants; dysregulation in one system can impact the other.
The hormones responsible for regulating an infant’s circadian rhythm are influenced by sleep duration and quality.
Better quality sleep is associated with improved outcomes in weight gain and hormone release.
Quality sleep is linked to enhanced problem-solving skills, memory, and overall cognitive development.
Infants experience marked changes and increased neural connections during sleep.
Social and Emotional Development
All humans are generally happier, more social, and better at self-regulation when well-rested. When both caregiver and baby are rested, they can co-regulate more successfully and form a secure attachment through countless interactions each day. Research by Lobo & Lunkenheimer indicates that self-regulation—a skill developed through co-regulation—promotes social and emotional functioning throughout life.
It can be difficult for caregivers to co-regulate effectively when dealing with sleep deprivation. I know firsthand that I’m not at my best emotionally when I'm tired. Sleep training can be beneficial for attachment, as improved sleep enhances emotional capacity, allowing both parent and child to connect more deeply during the day and build secure attachments through frequent interactions.
Moreover, sleep deprivation negatively impacts caregivers’ emotional regulation. Research also shows that sleep problems during the first year postpartum are linked to poorer mental health in mothers (Dagla). Babies who have been sleep trained tend to cry less and wake up less frequently (Rickert). Thus, better sleep for babies can lead to improved maternal mental health, resulting in more prompt and warm emotional responses throughout the day, further enhancing secure attachment.
The Argument That Sleep Training Causes Harm
The argument that sleep training can harm attachment often arises from misunderstandings of the research.
Some claim that excessive crying can result in permanent brain damage, lowering IQ and leading to behavioral problems. While it's true that excessive crying is associated with negative cognitive and social outcomes, this research pertains primarily to severely abused or neglected infants—not to those whose parents allow brief periods of crying (Kluger).
Joan Kaufman, a psychologist whose work is sometimes misinterpreted to oppose sleep training, clarifies that her research pertains to abuse and neglect, not routine, brief stressful experiences.
What we know is that while excessive crying is not advisable and correlates with negative outcomes, brief episodes of crying—something all babies experience—are not linked to these same results. When sleep training is done thoughtfully, allowing for some crying while maintaining a responsive approach, it doesn’t lead to long-term negative consequences for development or attachment.
Research on Sleep Training and Attachment
Attachment is built through thousands of daily interactions. Research confirms that when parents show up lovingly most of the time, children develop secure attachments.
Is it possible to sleep train without distress for you or your baby? I understand the hesitation; hearing your baby cry is tough. However, consider this perspective: Throughout your child’s life, they will encounter various challenging and uncomfortable situations as they learn new skills—like walking, swimming, or riding a bike. These experiences often involve discomfort, but they also foster growth and confidence.
For example, think of your baby learning to sit up. They may fall back multiple times and need support—either from you or from pillows. Eventually, they will sit up unassisted, demonstrating growth through practice.
Sleep training operates similarly. As you gradually reduce support, your baby is pushed gently out of their comfort zone. Research indicates that despite any short-term stress experienced during this process, there are no documented long-term negative effects on attachment or behavior. Furthermore, several positive outcomes emerge from improved sleep, including enhanced emotional regulation in infants, reduced maternal depression, and decreased crying.
Here’s what the research shows:
Both modified cry-it-out and gradual association-fading approaches lead to significant sleep improvements with no adverse stress responses or long-term effects on parent-child attachment (Gradisar).
A study found that allowing infants to cry occasionally during the first six months did not correlate with adverse attachment outcomes at 18 months (Bilgin).
Behavioral sleep techniques show no long-lasting negative effects, allowing parents to effectively address infant sleep issues and protect against maternal depression (Price).
Improved nighttime sleep is linked to increased emotional regulation and adaptability in infants (Spruyt).
Families experience significant enhancements in sleep quality, daytime behavior, and overall well-being (Eckerberg).
When used in response to specific needs, delayed responses that include some crying can mitigate sleep problems without harming an infant's socioemotional development (Giesbrecht).
How to Sleep Train
The goal of sleep training is to help your baby learn to fall asleep independently, which is crucial for navigating natural sleep cycles. If your baby relies on sleep associations, they may struggle to return to sleep when waking between cycles.
Teaching your baby to fall asleep independently helps them manage these transitions more effectively. Sleep training can be transformative, with methods ranging from gradual, association-fading techniques to accelerated, cry-it-out methods. Each baby is unique, so customizing these methods is essential.
At The Baby Sleep Haven, we offer personalized sleep consultations to help you determine the best approach for your baby. You and your baby are unique, and you deserve tailored support. Each consultation involves a holistic assessment to evaluate scheduling, identify root causes of sleep issues, and create an individualized plan to help your baby learn to sleep independently.
Better sleep could be just around the corner! Book your consultation and get the sleep you and your little one deserve.
References
Benoit, D. (2004). Infant-parent attachment: Definition, types, antecedents, measurement and outcome. Paediatrics Child Health, 9(8), 541-545. https://doi.org/10.1093/pch/9.8.541
Bilgin, A., & Wolke. D. (2020). Parental use of ‘cry it out’ in infants: No adverse effects on attachment and behavioural development at 18 months. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 61(110, 1184-1193. https://doi.org/10.1111/jcpp.13223
Dagla, M., Dagla, C., Mrvoljiak-Thodoropoulou, I., Kavakou, A, -T., Rigoutsou, E., & Antoniou, E. (2021). Infant sleep difficulties at the 6th week and the 12th month postpartum: What is their relationship with maternal mental health and other perinatal factors? Matera Socio Medica, 33(1), 21-25. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8116102/
Eckerberg, B. (2004). Treatment of sleep problems in families with young children: Effects of treatment on family well-being. Acta Paediatrica, 93(1), 126-134. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1651-2227.2004.tb00686.x
Giesbrecht, G. F., Letourneau, N., Campbell, T., Hart, M., Thomas, J. C., & Tomfohr-Madsen, L. (2020). Parent use of “cry out” in a community sample during the first year of infant life. Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics, 41(5), 379-387. https://journals.lww.com/jrnldbp/abstract/2020/07000/parental_use_of__cry_out__in_a_community_sample.8.aspx
Gradisar, M., Jackson, K., Spurrier, N. J., Gibson, J., Whitham, J., Williams, A. S., Dolby, R., & Kennaway, D. J. (2016). Behavioral interventions for infant sleep problems: A randomized controlled trial. Pediatrics, 137(6). https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2015-1486
Kaufman, J., & Charney, D. (2001). Effects of early stress on brain structure and function: Implications for understanding the relationship between child maltreatment and depression. Developmental Psychopathology, 13(3), 451-471. https://doi.org/10.1017/S0954579401003030
Kluger, J. (2012). The science behind Dr. Sears: Does it stand up? Why Sears’ warning about the dangers of excessive crying takes liberties with scientific research. Time Magazine. https://ideas.time.com/2012/05/10/the-science-behind-dr-sears-does-it-stand-up/
Lobo, F. M., & Lunkenheimer, E. (2020). Understanding the parent-child coregulation patterns shaping child self-regulation. Developmental Psychology, 55(6), 1121-1134. https://doi.org/10.1037/dev0000926
Price, A. M. H., Wake, M., Ukoumunne, O. C., & Hiscock, H. (2012). Five-year follow-up of harms and benefits of behavioral infant sleep intervention: Randomized trial. Pediatrics, 130(4), 643-651. https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2011-3467
Rickert, V. I., & Johnson, C. M. (1988). Reducing nocturnal awakening and crying episodes in infants and young children: A comparison between scheduled awakenings and systematic ignoring. Pediatrics, 81(2), 203-212. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/3340471/
Spruyt, K., Aitken, R. J., So, K., Charlton, M. Adamson, T. M., Horne, R. S. C. (2008). Relationship between sleep/wake patterns, temperament and overall development in term infants over the first year of life. Early Human Development, 84(5). 289-296. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.earlhumdev.2007.07.002
Tham, E. K. H., Schneider, N., & Broekman, B. F. P. (2017). Infant sleep and its relation with cognition and growth: A narrative review. Nature and Science of Sleep, 9, 135-149. https://doi.org/10.2147/NSS.S125992
Vaillant, T. (2024). Is sleep training harmful? Misinformation and facts behind the internet’s most polarizing parenting debate. The Pudding. https://pudding.cool/2024/07/sleep-training/
