Mindset and Baby Sleep: Why Wanting Better Sleep Isn't Selfish

Let’s start with something I hear all the time: "You knew what you signed up for."

When you're in the thick of sleepless nights and exhausting days, this phrase can sting. Sure, babies wake often. Their needs are real, and they will always have ups and downs with sleep. But the idea that wanting better sleep for your family is somehow selfish? That it means you're not embracing parenthood fully? That couldn’t be further from the truth.

You are not selfish for wanting rest. You are human.

Sleep deprivation doesn't just make you tired. It can impact your mood, your physical health, your relationships, and your ability to show up emotionally for your baby. Studies show that sleep-deprived parents are more likely to experience symptoms of postpartum depression and anxiety. When you're running on empty, it's harder to be patient, present, and connected—not because you don't love your baby, but because your body and brain are simply trying to cope.

In fact, research supports the importance of rest:

• Chronic sleep deprivation has been linked to impaired cognitive function, mood disturbances, and reduced immune function (Institute of Medicine, 2006).

• Sleep-deprived parents have higher levels of stress and lower coping abilities, impacting emotional regulation (Tikotzky et al., 2015).

• One study even found that greater sleep quality in mothers was associated with more positive perceptions of their infant and more affectionate parenting behaviors (Tikotzky, 2016).

• Well-rested parents have more emotional bandwidth to connect, bond, and enjoy their baby (Kahn et al., 2013).

Prioritizing rest is not about escaping the realities of parenthood—it's about giving yourself the foundation to navigate them with more confidence and compassion.

Three Mindset Shifts to Support You Through Sleep Deprivation

We can't eliminate every wake-up or hard night, but we can shift how we experience them. Here are three powerful mindset shifts to help you through the hard parts:

1. Know What’s Normal
One of the most grounding things you can do is learn what to expect. Infant sleep changes a lot in the first few years, and what feels like a "problem" is often a normal developmental stage. When you understand what’s typical for your baby’s age, it brings comfort and clarity. You begin to realize you’re not doing anything wrong—your baby is just being a baby.

2. Don’t Compare
Your baby is not your neighbor’s baby. Or your friend’s baby. Or even your older child. Each child is wired differently, and temperament plays a major role in how babies sleep. Some are naturally more sensitive, more alert, or more adaptable. When we compare, it often leads to guilt or frustration. Instead of focusing on what other babies are doing, lean into your own baby’s strengths. They have their own path.

3. Know When to Get Help
You do not have to figure this all out on your own. There is so much information online, and while some of it is great, it can also be overwhelming and contradictory. Sometimes, the most supportive thing you can do is get personalized guidance from someone who knows sleep and takes the time to know your baby. If you're feeling stuck, I offer one-on-one consultations to walk alongside you with advice tailored to your baby and your goals. You deserve support, not just for your baby’s sleep, but for your own well-being, too.

Sleep is not a luxury—it’s a basic human need. And in parenthood, where everything feels new and raw and uncharted, taking care of your sleep mindset is one of the most powerful things you can do.

You’re not selfish. You’re wise. And you’re not alone.

Ready to have the motherhood you dreamed of and get the sleep you and your baby deserve? Let’s work together! Book a consult here or grab the Complete Nap Guide here. 

References

Institute of Medicine. (2006). Sleep Disorders and Sleep Deprivation: An Unmet Public Health Problem. National Academies Press.

Kahn, M., Sheppes, G., & Sadeh, A. (2013). Sleep and Emotion Regulation: An Organizing, Integrative Review. Sleep Medicine Reviews, 17(3), 211–221. 

Tikotzky, L. (2016). Postpartum maternal sleep and mothers' perceptions of their attachment relationship with the infant among women with a history of depression during pregnancy. Journal of Reproductive and Infant Psychology, 34(3), 293–306.

Tikotzky, L., Sadeh, A., & Volkovich, E. (2015). Maternal Sleep and Depressive Symptoms: A Longitudinal Study. Sleep, 38(1), 123–131.